True Story: I blew 3 million dollars in 30 seconds AND "Undercover Boss"

OK. So maybe it wasn't me who blew 3 million dollars in 30 seconds. Instead, it was many companies/corporations who did.

This year, 2010, the average superbowl ad cost around 3.01 million US Dollars to air during the game.

In my opinion, this superbowl, superbowl 44, had some of the worst commercials of all time. Before you start blowing up in my face and judging me, hear me out.

you can see the commercials on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/adblitz

1. BEER WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE! or YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT BEER

One Bud Light commercial started off with some kind of plane crash in the ocean near a deserted island. In this commercial you can see multiple people walking to the shore of a "deserted island." One lady states that she found the plane's radio equipment so they will be OK as they can radio for help. Two seconds later, a man exclaims: "I JUST FOUND THE PLANE'S BEVERAGE CART AND ITS STOCKED WITH BUD LIGHT!" it cuts to the woman trying to radio for help, and in the background you can see said cart stuffed with bud light and all the other people cheering and downing bud lights. then a man walks over to the woman trying to radio for help, fiddles with a dial and the radio starts playing music and the people begin to cheer (sans the lady who wanted to actually save their asses.) Let me ask you this: WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THIS SENDING TO PEOPLE?!?!?! Its trying to say that bud light is the best beer, however, the message they are sending out is that no matter what dire emergency situation you are in, as long as you have bud light, you will be alright. well, I have news for you. BEER DOES NOT SAVE YOUR LIFE! however, calling for help on a radio will!

Another Budweiser commercial had shots of restaurants and bars and someone shouting "THE BRIDGE IS OUT!" the people are shown not caring two craps about said bridge being out, but then the same man shouts: "THE BRIDGE IS OUT AND THE BUDWEISER TRUCK CANT GET THROUGH!" Then all of the people in these restaurants and bars (INCLUDING KIDS (i shit you not.) run outside to the collapsed bridge and they form a bridge. The people form a bridge to let the bud truck through. then it cuts to people drinking bud and bud light. and everyone is cheering. Again....BEER IS NOT THE BE ALL END ALL OF LIFE! (i could go on and on about how ridiculous this commercial was, but if I did, I would still be blogging at 11:26 PM tomorrow night without stopping. So I'll move on to the next topic now.)

2. E*Trade Financial: the talking babies are back. Even more ridiculous than ever. Really, etrade? REALLY?! Do babies REALLY TALK LIKE THAT?! no. I'm pretty sure they don't. < begin sarcasm/ >Way to be realistic! < end sarcasm/ >

3. Denny's: Promoting free grandslam breakfast plates on tuesday from 6-2 (or whatever the heck it is) and on your birthday is one thing. Promoting it they way they did, is another. Basically all of their commercials mention free grand slams and that they will need a ton of eggs for that. Then they cut to screaming chickens. (they actually sound a lot like female humans...) with the screaming, the way they animated the chickens to act and the words they said, it makes it seem like they're going to slaughter a bunch of chickens. Which in actual real life, they are just needing many eggs. So they're not actually killing chickens. Chill everyone.

4. Audi: Green car of the decade my ass. Ok, maybe you created a green car, but the greenest mode of transportation is HUMAN POWERED. Also the commercial in which you have the "ECO POLICE" is ridiculous. Way over the top. just because someone uses a styrofoam cup or plastic bag does not make them a bad person. Same if they throw out an orange peel instead of compost it. I, along with MILLIONS OF AMERICANS do not compost my orange peels. And I think I'm a good person, for the most part. And if you don't know me in real life (although i'm pretty sure my readership consists of people i know in real life) I dont break the law, i love and support my friends and family, i try and do nice things for people, etc etc. which I believe makes me a good person. Also, Audi, I'm not buying your car. Mostly because your commercial is ridiculous. IF/when I need a new vehicle, I'm buying a dodge charger, even though according to them, only men can drive them (more on this in a second).

5. Doritos: their commercials are over the top as well. I'll admit, I enjoy doritos every once in awhile (blue, not red). BUT REALLY?! Duct taping your roommate to the back of the door and duct taping your doritos shut? Do people really go that ape over doritos? How about ninja-star-ing your friend in the neck with a fucking dorito because they stole your bag and ate a few. REALLY?! Does this shit really happen in real life? do people actually go ape over these processed cheese flavored corn chip things?

6. SEXIST COMMERCIALS: DEAR COMPANIES: WOMEN WATCH THE SUPERBOWL, TOO! This category could potentially be humungous so it is going to have sub-headings with letters. Also, if you don't know me in real life, I'm a female. Girl. Lady. Miss. Ma'am. Whatever you want to call it. (Although I'm not girly. I generally have tomboy-ish traits).

a. Dodge Charger: Oh dodge. My family has loved your vehicles (OK, mini vans) for years and years. I love you so much that I want my first real car (new new car, not new to me but previously owned by someone else car...i already have one of those) to be a dodge. To be more specific, a dodge CHARGER! But, after seeing your recent commercial, I was slightly offended. The commercial opens with a man talking about himself (and it goes to an EXTREME CLOSEUP of his face throughout) and how he will change for his partner. "I will take out the trash without complaining, I will eat whatever you cook and love it. I will do the dishes, I will put my underwear in the hamper, I will watch whatever movie you want, etc etc etc etc. Then it cuts to a charger driving on a road and the guy basically says BUT, if I do all that, I'm driving a Charger, because it's what I want, and you can't do anything about it because we as men change for you women folk and all we have left after that are our cars and a charger is a MAN car so I'm going to drive this because I WANT TO and because AS A MAN, I CAN! this is disgusting. because you know what Dodge? I AS A WOMAN/GIRL/FEMALE I WILL DRIVE ONE (when i can afford it which will probably be when all cars are obsolete) BECUAE I WANT TO AND AS A WOMAN, I CAN!

b. DOVE MEN+care: this gloats about how awesome this product is. and it shows a man using it in the shower. and how awesome it is that men can have good skin too. not just women. This is crap, mostly because men could have good skin way before this commercial was ever shown. The end. Also, this product is only for men, eh? Well good thing i don't use you, dove. Because the dial body wash I use doesn't have a specific gender tied to it! Which makes it that much more awesome! unlike your ONLY MEN CAN USE ME product. I'm pretty sure you had men in your other commercials years ago. so why the MEN ONLY commercial now?! WHY?! why are you sexist?

c. FLO TV: I have never been one to shop much. I've been one to figure out exactly what I want, how much it is going to cost, and then go to the store specifically for said item, pay and leave. I am kind of like an average run-of-the-mill man who hates shopping in that sense. this commercial basically follows a couple around a store or mall of some sort and the guy is being the bag carrier and is being dragged around by his lady companion. he looks lifeless. and the voiceover in the commercial is basically telling him he lost his soul because he is shopping with his girlfriend. then an employee or someone tells him that he doesnt have to try and watch the game at the store just to be dragged away when he can BUY SOME CRAPPY ITEM TO GIVE HIM HIS SOUL BACK! In this case, said crapy item is a flo tv. a mobile tv device. I'm sorry, but buying random shit will not give you your soul back. Also, if any person in a relationship did not like shopping with their significant other they would tell them and then they wouldnt go as much. At least a normal human would. I would. shopping with your significant other will also not make you lose your soul. WHAT KIND OF TWISTED MESSAGE IS THAT?! That you will lose your soul, but you can gain it back if you purchase a fucking portable tv thing. WTF FLO TV!

(Ok, this wasnt as long as I thought, but i'm too lazy to take out the sub headings. so they're staying, DEAL WITH IT.)


THE REST OF THE SUPER BOWL:

I didn't like how the CBS announcers said new orleans. instead of saying it normally, they said it with a fake new orleans accent and it sounded like New AWE-LINS. gross.

The half time show was The Who. It wasn't terrible, but I'm pretty sure the only reason it was The Who that performed was because the super bowl was televised on CBS, and The Who's music is used in several CBS Primetime TV Shows. Think about it. That and if their shirts came off, not a big deal as they are all MEN. so no "janet jackson wardrobe malfunction" repeats.

WHAT THE FRACK IS IS WITH THIS SUPER BOWL AND MEN?!

I'm starting to not like CBS, even though i love some of their primetime shows like NCIS, NCIS: LA, CSI, CSI: NY, CSI: NY, how i met your mother, accidentally on purpose, etc etc etc. I think I like NBC more, even though they're not doing too well right now. I secretly want to be a photographer for the boston globe for awhile, then work at NBC in NY (30 rockefeller plaza) and then be the white house photographer.


"UNDERCOVER BOSS": i actually thought this was a pretty cool show, and i'm going to start watching it. its a show where a big ceo type goes undercover for a week and does all the entry level positions in the company and then reveals they are the ceo and they are going to fix things and make them better. it's neat. i like it. if you don't thats ok.


Feel free to comment and tell me what you think about any of the above mentioned things, especially the super bowl commercials.

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